Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
