When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
