Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
