apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
