Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
