my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize