I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
