Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
