life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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