I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
being pregnant is like rehab
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't put those talents on a resume
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
