I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
