I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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