New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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