she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
