he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
