I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
