I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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