This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize