We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
