i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
