haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
