sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize