i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish you could order shots online.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
