I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
