Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
