So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
