i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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