I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
