I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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