Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
