Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
