My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
