I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
