I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
