Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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