wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
