I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.