The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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