He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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