she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.