Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.

(1-561): View more from Florida

you for real need to get over him dude

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(713): View more from Texas

I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him

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(989): View more from Michigan

Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?

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(816): View more from Missouri

I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.

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(907): View more from Alaska

The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".

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