Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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