Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
