And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you had me at cake vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
