you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
