You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
