there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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