No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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