Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
