I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
