Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
