i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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