hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
