I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
