I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
