on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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