saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
