I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
