you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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