I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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