I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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