it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
