ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
operation have a gay friend backfired
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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