How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
