my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
