I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
