Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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