i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
