Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
