He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
