We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
