u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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