Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
