I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
