She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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