I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
