Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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