Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
