I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
