i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
